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Midlife Crisis, Transforming life after 50

So, what is it about turning 50 that makes it so different from any other age milestone? There is something about that half-century mark that makes people stop and think,” Where did the time go?” Is this my midlife crisis? Is this midlife blues?  Almost with precision timing, new aches, pains, and graying hair seems to spontaneously appear. Suddenly there is a realization of no longer feeling motivated about things that used to be exciting and inspiring. 

“I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.”  Brene Brown


You could find that even though you’re successful, you’re questioning everything you’ve devoted your life to for the last few decades. All those carefully laid out life plans suddenly don’t seem to matter as much anymore.

Transforming life after 50 is starting to enter your mind but where and how to start?

Who am I? What’s my purpose? 

This becomes the time in life for many when this existential question comes up. A time when looking back is more reflective. When we get stuck thinking about the choices made along way of life and the choices that were not made. Whatever the moment is brining up for you, it’s helpful to look at your mindset about midlife. How can this change to make sure the next phase of life is  how you want it to be.

This time in life is a good time to start taking inventory. To think about transforming life after 50. To make sure you live out your best years. In this post, I’ll explain why midlife feels difficult and the mindsets you can adapt to transform your own post-50 life.

Why does aging make me feel so bitter?

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20, has wasted 30 years of his life.

Muhammad Ali

The stereotypes about getting older has been ingrained through culture, media, and entertainment. Before we reach the age of 50 we have been primed to anticipate feeling old.

Transforming life after 50 feels too daunting.

By the time midlife rolls around, we become more aware of things we can’t control anymore, like growing old. And oftentimes losing control of one area can force a person to hold onto things that they feel they can control, like the point of view or a belief. (“No one is going to tell me what to do” sound familiar?)

Beliefs and viewpoints become stronger the less control one feels. Asking someone to change or try something new, can actually come across as a threat to the comfort of what is known. Challenges a person’s belief can be met with fear, anger and bitterness.

Midlife Crisis

Addressing bitterness is important in transforming your life after 50.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are” Anais Nin

Our minds love what is familiar and by the time we reach 50, we have been set into living in habits. We have conditioned ourselves into a certain way of thinking, feeling and behaving. It’s familiar. Familiar is safe. Unfortunately, it requires rigidity to stay in the familiar.  This rigidity creates a mindset that may feel protective but in actually, it’s deceiving.

Holding on to negative thinking is a protective mechanism. The cost to hold on to habitual ways of thinking is, less tolerance, less patience, and less creative thinking. Because what we see, feel and perceive doesn’t match our ingrained belief.

Resentments at Midlife

If you have feelings of disappointment, resentment, or all-or-nothing type of thinking, this will further strengthen a “bitterness” mindset. The reason is that you get more of what you focus on.

The mind’s negative outlook and belief are further validated through the mind’s mechanism of  “confirmation bias”. This is this bias that offers a sense of mental safety and control when you only see what you choose to see.

Negative Thinking

The bitterness mindset can be very detrimental because it can actually speed up aging, narrowing a person’s view of the world and inhibiting feeling good about life. Engaging in bitterness can also lead to depression, exacerbate pain, compromise the immune system, and sabotage relationships (a time when the connection with others is crucial).


“There’s one thing worse than being whistled at, it’s not being whistled at!” This is an unfortunate statement but feeling invisible or overlooked is a common phenomenon in aging. Sometimes this is referred to a the Invisible Woman Syndrome. If you don’t feel seen this can affects self-esteem and alter your sense of self in the world.

This feeling can happen to men as well. Feeling invisible is a mindset of how one sees themselves in the world. Self-image can compound bitterness and trigger old core beliefs of not feeling good enough, having low self-worth, or feeling like not belonging.


Entering the phase of midlife with unresolved issues can increase a negative mindset. Especially if you have felt stuck in your life for some time. This can further exacerbate thoughts like:

  • What happened to my life?
  • I’m scared! I’m running out of time!
  • I don’t feel the love any more.
  • I don’t know who I am anymore.
  • I feel alone and old.

These thoughts narrow a person’s perception of themselves in the world. Furthermore, opinions can get fixed on finding validation of why life is difficult and unfair.


Why is Mindset important?

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

Viktor E. Frankl

Mindsets are the beliefs that you hold that shape you, it’s how you see the world, how you react to experiences and it influences your decisions. It is biased to you and it will give you what you see, feel, hear.

Good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, it is the map you use to guide you through life. Carry a bitter mindset and your experiences will validate your thinking, your outlook.

how do I transform my life after 50


Imagine what it would feel like to finally get rid of old limiting beliefs, negative self-talk, self-sabotaging behaviors, people-pleasing behaviors, the fears of not being good enough, or the feeling that happiness is not available.

Contrary to the wording, a mindset does not mean it is “set”. A mindset can be changed. No matter what the age.

What it does require is that you are both willing and have the desire to change. Changing yourself may seem daunting the older you get, because the old beliefs have become an identity.  Who would you be without your beliefs and way of thinking?

It starts with the brain!

The brain is one of the most complex systems known. It is the central organ of the human nervous system. Its job is to keep us alive, keep us safe and perceive threats and it does this by holding on to familiar ways of thinking, no matter how outdated, negative or irrelevant. Having these beliefs may have worked in the past, but it now contributes to ongoing bitterness. Our minds are deeply programmed for our survival, not our happiness!

The brain operates like a system. It operates by what is programmed into it based on experiences,  conditioning and self-talk. That is why instead of reprimanding yourself with the same old self-talk (Ex., “get it together,” “what’s wrong with you,” “stop complaining”) it might be time for a full mindset upgrade which means, changing the programming at a deep subconscious level to change that automatic self-talk.

Benefits of changing a mindset later in life:

  • Experience more fulfilling relationships with family and friends
  • Develop motivation to take action to learn and experience new things
  • Increase energy, stamina, and focus
  • Overcome feelings of depression and anxiety
  • Increase overall happiness and life satisfaction

The Midlife 30-Day Transformation Program

I would love to chat with you about whether the Midlife Transformation program would be a good fit for you.  I have done this work personally and it changed my life completely. So much so that I created a specific 30-day program that is unlike any other and specific for making changes at this time in life. Feel free to contact me directly to schedule a free personal consultation.

Doing the deep dive to become a better version of you.  This program will allow you to shed long-held imprints that hold onto inner turmoil and negative self-talk  so you can start living your best life… for the rest of your life!

The choices you make now are some of the most important of your life. Make this next phase of life the best possible!

Schedule a free 20-minute consultation now!


Therapist in Napa

Jacqueline Connors, MA is a Psychotherapist and Neuro Transformative Coach who has worked in the private and public sectors in leadership roles. She is trained in Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) Neurolinguistics Programming (NLP), Brain-Based Coaching and Lean Management. She has a unique blend of skill sets derived from psychology, business and neuroscience and an understanding of how to apply the best from each discipline into the coaching experience.


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With more than 17 years of expertise and an individualized approach to mental healthcare and coaching, Jacqueline Connors is transforming the way people find healing.


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